Earthshock Unreview

The Cybermen are popping out all over the shop in a bid to do something evil and terrible and…um, hold on, let me just rewatch.
Right! Nope, still not getting it. Ah…maybe just one more watch…
Hmmmm. OK.
The Cybermen are fixing to put the humans into a stone cold grave by blowing up the Earth with a big bomb.
That is the plan. Simple as that? Not quite. The Doctor defuses the bomb. The Cybermen then decide to crash a space freighter into the Earth instead. But luckily it goes back in time by 65 million years and wipes out the dinosaurs (which is bad) and Adric (which is good).
So why should you watch this story? Besides Adric copping it, there are many reasons for watching.
The Cybermen are a pretty good reason to watch this story. They hadn’t been on the show for a good number of years, so their return was mostly a surprise.
The Cybermen have also been drastically redesigned. No more silver wetsuits, so last century, dahling! It is now silver flight suits ahoy. They still have the handles though. While I like these flashy new cyborgs, I do feel that they look more cute than scary. These are Cybermen that you can invite to a cuddle party.
I love how you can see the human jaw of the Cybermen move as they speak. It makes me wonder how much of their bodies is still organic.
Back to the Cyber-plan though. I’m not saying it is not a good plan but as far as plans goes, it is very Wile E Coyote. I would have thought that there was better ways to destroy the Earth such as plagues or secretly converting the population into Cybermen before setting them to delete, delete, DELETE! Using androids is weird since the Cybermen are not known for being needlessly cautious. But hiding on an Earth freighter spaceship, monitoring the bomb and repeats of Doctor Who? No, the Cybermen should have gone in with a space armada, mass-converted the whining pink fleshbags and then enjoyed a cup of tea and a plate of cucumber sandwiches amongst the smoking ruins. Simple. Job done.
There is, of course, a reason for the bomb (and the crashing of the freighter later on). Earth is about to get all Star Trek and join up with a bunch of planets to put the kibosh on the Cybermen. Pretty straight forward, right?
Wrong!
The crew of the freighter, from Captain Briggs to Mittens the ship’s cat, don’t have a clue who or what the Cybermen are. Or that Earth is about to join up with other worlds to combat the cyber menace. To which, I assume, you are all asking, “What the hell?” How does Earth’s government think it is alright to get into a war with a group of aliens that nobody has heard of? How will that pan out? Will the Earth ruler go on national TV and say, “Hello, citizens of the Earth. Please attend carefully. We are going to war tomorrow with to fight these cyborgs called the Cybermen. We have not told you about the Cybermen before because we just forgot to tell you. So sorry. Sorry. Soz. Heaps of soz to you! So, yes, um, if you hear a lot of lasers and gunfire and screaming, don’t worry. Just keep calm and stay indoors until either the lasers stop or you are dragged from your beds by the Cybermen. This war may take a few years but, hey, I am sure that
we can get through this altogether. Have a nice day!”
Maybe the Earth government has told everyone but what with nobody watching the news, they just didn’t…meh! No, I am just making excuses for the production team’s goof.
Peter Davison is acting his cotton socks off in this story. Bless. Just watch him being epic as he defuses the bomb. He champions the beauty of emotions to the emotionless Cybermen (they claim to be emotionless but that is so not the case).
I’ve not much to say about Janet Fielding and Sarah Sutton as Tegan and Nyssa. They are good in this story but since this is really Adric’s story, the two ladies are not as exceptional as they usually are. Well, they are but for the sake of argument, no.
Matthew Waterhouse is the only companion of note. The Jar Jar Binks of Doctor Who is finally acting to an adequate-ish level,.. Huzzah! And then he dies… Huzzah! Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble: Adric, death, crash, ka-boom! Huzzah!
Adric wants to go back to his swampy home planet in E-Space. He is not getting on with the girls because they seem to not like him stealing their panties and then running around the TARDIS with them over his face while pretending to be Spider-Man. Adric is even annoying the Doctor by claiming to be lactose intolerant whenever all the milk is used. Dude, he can see the spilt milk on your green-and-yellow pajamas!
Adric’s mathematical abilities are put to the ultimate test here when he tries to figure out the logic codes of the freighter to stop it splatting into the Earth. Sadly (not sadly at all) he never knows if he was right and he dies not knowing whether he was right or not. But worse still, he never had the pleasure of drinking Um Bongo.
As the end-titles appear, we hear Matthew Waterhouse singing The Knack’s My Sharona, Mittens laughing, and we see Adric broken star badge… So sad… *sob sob*
So, yeah, that is it. I hope it sounds good enough to tempt you into watching the story.
What are you waiting for? Adric gets deaded and the Cybermen look really cook, what more could you ask for?
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About greebohobbes

All-round irritant, expert swordsman (loves lopping off the heads of ghouls), professional charlatan and outrageous wearer of black cocktail dresses...
This entry was posted in BekHobbes, cybermen, doctorwho, fandom, memories, opinion, review, unreview, whovian, whovians. Bookmark the permalink.

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