I found a cache of short stories that I wrote 25 years ago.
I was ten at the time. That awkward period between nine and eleven where existential dreads start roosting in your mind. So I wrote stories to help ameliorate the dread. Not sure it worked but as I am still alive, who knows.
I was thinking about blogging a few of them for no other reason than a cheap laugh. Also, I always like to invite public ridicule.
The titles are as follows:
1: The Adventure of the Brick in the Sock
2: The Grave Digger
3: The Man in the Fuck-Me Y-Fronts
4: The Rise and Rise of Terrance B. Drunke
7: The Stiff and Wyle
8: Turkey in the Public Eye
9: Tight as Groan
11: The Id Couple
12: Motley Malcolm
14: The Fantabulosa “Bake Her” Boys
15: Hic Est Enim Calix Sanguinis Mei
16: The Fat Boy’s Limb
17: The Heavitree Rhythmic Tentacles
19: The Gnarliest Man
20: Egbert the Corpse and his Band of Merry Jack-O’Lanterns
21: Hallowe’en World
22: Irish Joe and Stan the Man
23: The Hellcat Devil Brigade
24: Brittle John (Zombie Thief)
Like I said, I was ten when I wrote these so gimme a break!
Number 24 was unfinished but I have the notes for it. I might write a stupid poem about the subject of the story.
Reading through them, some stand up (barely) and others I just look at and think “What the hell was I trying to do?”, but some are pastiches of other authors such as Charles Dickens (I bet you can’t guess which one if the Dickens or Edgar A. Poe (again I bet you can’t guess which one that is).
I was very clearly under the influence of Douglas Adams which is either a compliment or an insult to his name. Also, note the Mervyn Peake pun in one of the titles. I was one well-read ten-year-old.
I have written short stories ever since I was seven-years-old. None of those exist thankfully but I recall writing about a man called Angelo Lenski and his time-travelling dinosaur egg.
I think I am one of those writers who write simply they love doing so. I have no wish to be published and, if any publishers read these stories, that wish will almost certainly be granted.
I will periodically blog maybe three or four of these stories this year or the next. You’ve been warned.