Smokers, Chokers

In England, people are no longer allowed to smoke indoors or even at sheltered bus stops. I believe it is also illegal to smoke in a car if you have children in with you at the same time.

Fair enough you might say … unless you are someone who enjoys smoking. To which I say, “Tough luck.”

I don’t smoke. I would defend your right to smoke but I still have a few bugbears about it.

Is it too hard to make sure you smoke downwind of people if they don’t smoke? That, to my mind, is polite. After all, why should people be forced to breath in what you exhale? It is the equivalent of someone drinking a beer and then spitting it into the mouths of nearby teetotalers. It just isn’t right. Smoke your head off but be aware that others aren’t wanting to join in with the joys of incrementally killing themselves with nicotine.

Smoking, to some, could not be any more Freudian if it tried. Not that you should go about telling six-foot tall burly men that their smoking is in fact a repressed desire for male fellatio; not unless you fancy drinking your meals through a straw. Me? I am not too convinced but I do think that there is a sexual connection to smoking just not in the implicit longing for a length of sausage.

Pro-smoking advocates sometimes push forward the counter-argument that coffee and wine are bad for people as well. True. But I think my absurd beer spitting remark deals with that rather neatly. Also, I am not asking people to stop smoking, just for them to stop sharing it willy-nilly.

People who smoke pipes though, gah! It is almost as if they wondered how they could make as many people vomit as possible. Huge clouds of foul-smelling tobacco wafting invasively into our noses whether we want it to or not.

There is this blind old man whom I see occasionally. He smokes a pipe to comedic effect. He sucks on it, his eyes bulging out as if someone was poking his buttocks with a sword, and coughs out air that is as brown as a freshly-laid dog-egg. Not something you’d want to be around if you were having a quick sandwich on the way to work etc.

By the way, smoke all you want, just be courteous.

I had thought that the pipe was dying out as a means of ruining non-smokers’ lives. Oh no! Now we have e-cigarettes. Yup.

The e-fags (for American readers, ‘fag’ is a slang term for cigarette) are almost as bad smokewise. You cannot walk anywhere, in a town or city, without seeing some hip urbanite sucking on a smoke-spewing metal dildo.

Fine, I get it, they are safer than the usual coffin nails but really? Do they need to make so much smoke? It is bad enough with the usual pollutants without having faux strawberry whiffs mugging your nose. Also, are they safer? Too early to tell but I think that they will have their own set of health warnings soon.

There is a guy on Twitter whom I have seen. He posts photographs of himself breathing out massive wafts of vaped smoke. Maybe he wants to be a dragon? For some reason he think this is a cool thing to do. Cool being a subjective term because I am sure that even trainspotters think that trainspotting is ‘cool’ too.

‘Vaping’ is the term for smoking e-ciggies by the way. Because ‘jackassing’ isn’t cool.

There is no message here other than be courteous. Obviously smoking is bad but it isn’t my place to warn people of the dangers such as cancer bats and parts of your lungs turning black and gooey. If you really need to smoke, just be aware that not everyone wants to share the contents of your lungs.


About greebohobbes

All-round irritant, expert swordsman (loves lopping off the heads of ghouls), professional charlatan and outrageous wearer of black cocktail dresses...
This entry was posted in BekHobbes, opinion, reallife, rudeness, smokers, smoking. Bookmark the permalink.

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