Before she disappeared from my life, apropos of nothing, she said, “I can talk to other people, including other men.”
Why apropos of nothing? Because I never once tried to stop her talking to anyone else, men included. I couldn’t care less who she talked to as long as they didn’t hurt her.
But it did raise a fair few questions in my mind. Why did she say “…including other men”? I thought that was a little rum. It was a strange thing to say. If I were jealous, which I wasn’t, then it would be fine for her to say that she could talk to other people. But it is that quantifier that niggles at me: “…including other men”, why would she said that.
OK, me and her weren’t in love. I felt that I could have fallen in love with her but I knew she didn’t love me. We were fond of each other, lets say that. She said she wanted to be with me, or rather that she wished I was there with her. Possibly not the same things but semantics are far too complicated for my poor male brain.
We had been intimate. Not many times but less than a handful. So why she said “…including other men”, I could not help but wonder if she was carrying on with other men. I don’t think she would do that but as I mentioned, I have a poor male brain and whilst it is incapable of subtle cognition, it can think about the most improbable things.
If my brain is right, then what we had, if indeed it was anything, suddenly becomes cheapened. If my brain is wrong, than I am just an idiot.
In any case, she hasn’t talked to me for a long time and I doubt she ever will.