I am tired of having my heart broken.
Is it too much to ask to find the one person whom I am meant to spend the rest of my life with?
Maybe I am unlovable. That has to be the reason.
Maybe I don’t deserve love, am not worthy of it in any way whatsoever.
Maybe I am meant to live my life alone…
Whatever the reason, I just cannot stand it any more.
I have a difficult sexuality. I am demisexual. This essentially asexual with snogging. It means that I have the capacity to love whilst having the capacity to not want love. But more and more, I find myself longing to be loved, to be in love, to love someone else with all of my heart. Sadly this is not to be though.
I would even convert, religionwise, if need be; if that meant finding the right person.
I have had girlfriends in the past but it never works out. Distance plays an impact or, despite kissing me to death, they just admit that they don’t really love me.
It isn’t fair. I am not totally hideous. Other people, who are worse-looking than me, they manage to find someone. Even murderers and rapists have more luck than me.
I think I am just going to have to accept it. I am not someone who others want to love or be with.