I strive to avoid people that I know.
I do not have a problem with what I have done but, being a person who tries to move forward, I just have an aversion for nostalgia.
Although, thinking about it, it is more a case of not wanting to talk to people that once knew me (or thought they knew me). I have always gone out of my way to present different versions of myself to different people in a bid not to reveal anything of myself to others or, if I am being honest, to myself. Although I am making amends for this as you can tell by my blog, I am pulling no punches by revealing my innermost for people to read and enjoy/ridicule.
I tend to make friends quite easily although not through any effort on my part. People seem to gravitate to me despite my personality. I have never made any effort to stay in contact with people unless I am genuinely close to them. Those who I am close to are seldom and few but I treasure them with all of my heart. And these people are the only ones with whom I am brutally honest about myself with, I tell them everything instead of the half-truths and mysterious smiles everyone else gets.
My aversion of ‘friends’ has got to the point where I will walk through alleys and backstreets just to avoid people, crossing the road, missing buses which they are about to get on.
Just last week I avoided an old friend, Egbert McNamara, simply because I didn’t want the awkwardness of meeting. Even though we parted on good terms.
Perhaps the awkwardness of the situation is what puts me off talking to people? Possibly maybe. I don’t really know why I do this. Maybe I am becoming more shy in my dotage (33 and counting) or scared of other people.
Recently in my local library, I met this gangling Whovian (for muggles and other non-geeks, this is a term for fans of the show Doctor Who) with a rather lovely Tom Baker scarf. He saw that I was reading the latest Doctor Who Magazine and he came over. Gangle, gangle, gangle he went with his multi-coloured scarf trailing behind him, and we entered into a conversation. For my part, I was taken aback in much the same way that a vampire might react to a garlic-and-holy-water smoothie.
I think I am striving to avoid people.
I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I think I am withdrawing from the human race. I am not sure where this will end and, I guess, I am scared of what may happen if this continues.This blog is a good route back to normality, away from being a jelly bean and towards being a jemima ho ho.
All things pass.
“This is my story both humble and true
Take it to pieces and mend it with glue”
John Lennon, 1969, Feb.