The Name of the Doctor: a review of sorts

There are twelve time-travelling Doctors sitting on the wall,

Twelve time-travelling Doctors sitting on the wall,

But if one time-travelling Doctor should accidentally fall…

Death and taxes are the two certainties of life. But in fiction, we can add a third… SPOILERS!

Sometimes a spoiler can pounce on you like a cat on a mouse, before you can avert your eyes you see something which ruins your enjoyment. For example, a couple of years ago my TV guide blurted out the name of Amy and Rory’s child. They didn’t explicitly say that Melody Pond was River Song but given the unwelcome early clue, my mind made the connection. This was a fact I didn’t needed to be spoiled.
In most cases, spoilers beguile us with their sirensong, leading us to crash on the rocks of rumour. Oh yes, they are so utterly tempting. All it takes is one click and you suddenly learn that the 50th Anniversary will involve Krotons and Quarks and Zarbi. Oh my!
I personally know a few rumours and facts about the upcoming special episode which I won’t mention. I know of the actors involved, the alien and even a few locations. Self-induced spoilers yet I regret nothing since they only add to the excitement surrounding the production. If I learnt that the story would involve the Wirrn and the Animus teaming up against the Doctor and his army of Raston warrior robots, I’d be too spoilered. A case of having my cake and eating it, then being forced to eat more cake.
I prefer my spoilers to be on my own terms, I don’t mind a few hints and clues but explicit information? No, thank you. The facts that I know of the 50th Anniversary are harmless, they merely serve as little exciting tit-bits. The Melody/River spoiler was different. I was robbed of a plot point which I should have came to during the actual episode itself.
No matter what you do, tiny nuggets of rumour worm their way into your awareness. Of course we can keep away from likely sources of info-infection (infoction?) but why should we? Well, mainly because there is a type of fan who wants to ruin Doctor Who for the rest of us. These are what I call Spoiler Trolls.
These Spoiler Trolls spread rumours and facts simply to gain attention and lessen the show. They are the people who sit behind you in the cinema and say, “Here, that Bruce Willis, he’s actually dead, you know?” or “Yeah, the woman in The Crying Game, she is really a geezer”. Avoid these people at all costs.
Some spoilers are meaningless, such as the Radio Times revealing the priapic cyclopic human/dalek hybrid on the front cover. This was a spoiler which made you think, “Erm… So what?” It neither tempted or excited. I mean, come on, who was seriously excited after seeing that? Only someone with a freaky penis obsession, I suspect.
One of the problems that spoilers have is the impact that false information can have. Remember in 2005 when we have rumours of the Nestene using wax models of David Beckham to take over London? A similar rumour, as yet unfounded, has been spread about the upcoming 50th Anniversary episode. The rumour is unproven but already it has sent some Whovians spinning in circles like vision-impaired Daleks and shouting about “canon” and “how Moffat has ruined the show”. I find the rumour exciting and might even be disappointed if it is untrue.
This blog post is just me setting down in print some thoughts I have had lately about Doctor Who and spoilers. I am neither for or against them since you can choose if you wish to know certain details. Just be careful and don’t spread spoilers to people unless they ask.

Now, I am just going to wait for the 50th Anniversary epsiode and the return of the Dominators….ooops, spoilers!


About greebohobbes

All-round irritant, expert swordsman (loves lopping off the heads of ghouls), professional charlatan and outrageous wearer of black cocktail dresses...
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