The Boy With the Dog-Food Skull

Once upon a time there was once a boy with dog-food for a skull. He was a most unfortunate lad for sure but as with most inflictions he had learned to live with his deformity for the most part. His only real problem was when it rained, then he would keep his hands clasped to his head, trying to stop lumps of congealed meat from falling off.

As you can imagine, he wasn’t exactly a hit with the ladies. No matter how sharp his clothes were, how practiced his chat-up lines were, the girls just couldn’t get past the fact that his head was basically dog-food.
This disheartened him.
How was he meant to get on in life with a head made of, to be brutally honest, cow lips and intestines? If his head didn’t put people off, the smell certainly did. Everyone knew when he was in the area, all you had to do was follow the cloud of flies until you found him.
The boy with the dog-food skull only wanted to be loved.
***
One day he finally bit the bullet and placed an advert in the local paper’s Lovely Hearts page. He didn’t expect much of this but he had nothing to lose by doing so.
Young dog-food skulled man, 17, seeks
attractive girl/female of similar age.
Must not judge on appearance or have a
sense of smell. Or taste. Own teeth a must.
 He was not shocked when no applicants contacted him. He hadn’t expected there to be any and he wasn’t disappointed. But he thought that he would give it a few more days before resigning himself to a life of celibacy.
Then an amazing thing happened. He got an applicant. He talked to her over the phone (not holding it too close to his head lest it got clogged up with meat). She seemed pretty together, didn’t mind his affliction. So, heart in his mouth, he invited her over to his house that evening.
 ***
All dressed up and smelling strongly of beef, the boy with the dog-food skull waited for the girl to arrive. He couldn’t help fretting over every single detail, what if she was repulsed by his problem?
A knock at the door shook him out of his thoughts. He got up unsteadily and approached the front door.
He opened up the door to see a young girl of similar age, dressed in a pretty floral blouse and skirt. She had long blonde hair and a pineapple for a face. The boy was taken aback. He was shocked. He was absolutely astounded. He was also a little put-off.
Suffice to say, it wasn’t the start of a beautiful relationship.
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About greebohobbes

All-round irritant, expert swordsman (loves lopping off the heads of ghouls), professional charlatan and outrageous wearer of black cocktail dresses...
This entry was posted in fiction, humour, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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